Well, here it is one year later and I am such a changed person! I feel like I am opening up too much, yet I need to tell my story.
In the past year I have gone through three anxiety and depression programs. Through these programs I have learned so much about myself and others. What I learned about me is to accept who I am, not fret the small things, and catastrophizing is my worst enemy. It seems that I take the smallest issues and make them larger and larger until I feel they are not manageable. This doesn't fare well in the work place, with family, friends and causes stress, depression and anxiety.
My close family has been so supportive and loving at this time. I learned that no matter what I want to be here for these people that I am so proud to call husband, sons, daughter, daughter-in-laws, and son-in-law. They were there for me when I didn't want to get out of bed. They kept me moving and I needed to live for them. I am still working on living for myself, but the reason I am still here is that I always wanted to live for them. One thing that keeps me going from day to day is that I cannot be that bad of a person because I have the most amazing family and they love me so much.
I am still working on extended family at this time. I am not sure where I stand with these relationships. I want to have a relationship with them, yet I find myself staying away. I know I love them, but can't find my way back to them. I know they are growing tired of my silence and they need me in their lives, but I am not sure if I am ready. My sisters hurt me so much and I don't think they understand what they did to me. I know that my mom loves and supports me and I know that soon I will be up to getting out and being with her again more often. I just got back to work and that was a big step, one step at a time for me right now.
Friends - I think this is the biggest change in my life this past year! I have some of the greatest friends that I have had in my life for many, many years and they truly came through for me and helped me at my lowest points. I also found out that friends you haven't seen for years come to the rescue when you need them. I am truly grateful for all my friends and hope to be there for them when they need me.
As far as teaching - I love teaching and I am a good teacher. I have let what others think about me and my never ending catastrophizing pull me down and make a self fulfilling prophecy. I agree that I may not have been the most positive person at work in the past few years, but this has changed! I know I am a good teacher and person and my new self fulfilling prophecy will be to be a positive and happy person at work. No more worrying about if people like me or not, it doesn't matter, what matters is if the students are comfortable and feel safe to learn in my classroom. I look forward to the old me coming back to the classroom and really being there for the students again!
As you can see it has been a busy year! I am going to BLOG more this year about my life and teaching experiences and change my blog from my lap band surgery to my experience with teaching.
I hope you follow me and leave me comments!
